Friend's Science Part 1 (draft)

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Meaningless Prologue
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(just when i thought i can write nothing this morning, an old idea pop up. i was planning to write it for a while. but procrastinating and not confident enough)

Like Dating is science, I decided RATHER to write a S*** disoriented, messy draft than wait FOR-EVER to write a neatly organised ones. (It'll never happen.) Have things ever come across your life, when you wanted to do something, you said to yourself, i would do it another time, then ends up never do it. SO, I am gonna do it NOW, RIGHT NOW.

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FRIEND'S SCIENCE
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Part 1:

For centuries people have friends. (Bleeding facts huh?) Friends are like drugs, not exactly, but they can do amazing things to you. Sometimes makes you high, other times makes you low, make you addict to them, so you go drinking with them 3 times a week. Friendship like other ship experience many stages. Making friends, Being good friends, Being normal friends, Become Acquantices, Become Stranger, No Contact.

Fortunately, i told myself, friend's critirea is much lower than those in the job market or dating world. to be a Acquantices, all you need is someone to introduce you or meet on the bus and say hi. Of course, no one is particular thrilled, "OH TODAY I GOT A NEW Acquantices." So we'll eliminate it from the main discussion of this article.

You have to have common interest, which bind you and your friend. You have to have common topics, if you and your friend can't even hold a single conversation, friendship wouldn't be there in the first place. We'll do a space jump, as I wrote the following paragraphs first:

Here comes the famous quote, "The least pain in our finger nail, cause more of our attention than the destruction of millions of other fellow human beings." When I first read this, i instantly flash back to 911, sep 11th. While news everywhere is talking about the death tolls, truly, i can imagine, if i was watching news and suddenly pain in my finger could drive my entire attention away from the TV to my finger. IT'S OUR NATURE. The fact is, the TV and movie industry makes us look better than we really are in real life. After all, average person is never kind enough to give away 100 dollars to people suffered in tsnami, nor will they adopt a kid from the third world country. Humans, just like other mammals, we are animals. Through out the years, i try to point out our nature can prevail sometimes than our so called moral standards.

Haven't you noticed that beautiful people on Television or Movies, don't swear? But in real life, THEY ALL DO. The more pretty they are, the more likely they would behave like a bitch behind the scene. F and S word are just common vocabulary they use. I am a little off the track now.

Friends have conflict of interest. In my earlier articles, i mentioned why when friends move together, things could turn nasty, largely due to conflict of interest. before you moving out together, nothing is really bothering you. doesn't matter how lazy your friend is, doesn't matter how messy his living habit is, YOU WOULDN'T MIND! but guess what, when you live with him/her, you would mind. Why? It conflicts with your interest. Please dont' accuse me using the same toilet roll example, many simply haven't heard. When you live together, things small as toilet roll can start a fight between you and your friends. because few dollars difference, you would be amazed how much you care, when it comes to "YOU NEED TO PAY A BIT MORE BECAUSE I WANTED SOFTER TOILET ROLL." The fact is we can shout friend's a 10 dollars meal happily, but unwilling to pay $2 extra for their preference of toilet roll.

Luckily, most friends have few conflict of interest. Remember those friends you made while you are doing a group project, and after the project you never contacted again? anyone? Why you become friends and hang around often (during the period of the assessment), it's you are on the same boat, SAME INTEREST (COMMON INTEREST). When people have same interest, they bond together. In this case, get good marks together. And after the assessment is handed in, the INTEREST is lost. If there isn't any other common interest between you and the group member, it is natrual the friend ship would literally drift away. Frequency of contact decrease to almost 0. Of course, people who learned about professional network, would put you into their contact database, send you an automatic greeting card every now and then (to remind you they sincerely take you as a good friend, they might needed you one day, you never know.)

I personally think dating is science. friendship is also science. First up, how you determine if a friend is a good friend or not. I would prefer to measure it by frequency of contact. I know many would believe, "it's not how frequent we contact, it's about how frequent we think about each other." Ok, ok, i agree. But frequent contact is a sign of frequent thinking of each other right? Good, that you agree with me. However, some other believe, even if the frequency of contact is as low as once a year, they can still regard the other as best friend. i would get to that in the Myths section. So, i am certain, those who you contact every day are certainly closer to those you contact every fortnightly. (with the exception of bf/gf temp travel overseas). hold on, bf and gf is not allowed in this article, we are talking about friendship, not relationship.

"Mr. Bohan, do you believe there can be true friendship between males and females?" - i'll get to that later.

President Geogre Walker Bush, many hated him. But I would just like to quote what his adviser suggest him do daily, regarding communicating with Laura (his wife). Bush is suggested talking to his wife 10 mins a day, regardless how busy he is. COMMUNICATION is essential. Frequent communication is essential to maintain close friendship.

Fundemantel questions, what are we looking through friendship, compassion, fun, joy, sense of being cared, spiritial bond, share of passion... but we are not really looking for Sadness, Complaints, Death of a friend of a friend or "I am short, can you lend me thousand dollars" from our friendship. FACE IT, we don't like those things. Even though friendship meaning, enduring through hardship, but by no mean, we are seeking for it.

NOW imagine, you met Jane and John in a bar for the first time. Both of them have similar interest to you, and both of them liked you too as a friend. And a fortune teller comes to you, telling you that in few months time, John would lose his jobs, would expereince robbery, would lost his relatives, would expereince relationship difficulty, would suffere financially, inkling that if you make friends with him, there won't be shortage of disasters and sad faces. While, Jane is going to win lottery, have fantastic social group, active and successful in the theatre business she is in. IF YOU ARE ALLOWED to make ONLY one choice among the two, which one would you choose. Don't be heroic, we all know you are gonna choose Jane. Cause by our nature, we are not looking for unpleasant things.

So what happened when unpleasant things happens. Unlike relationship, to DESTROY / CEASE a friendship is fairly difficult. "I don't want to be your friends anymore." few of us ever said that in our life. but surely many girls has given their death sentence to boys often, "I don't want you any more." So you wondered, what can I do? When this friend is just keep on complaining, pessimist-alike, outing with him / her is just DARK. Does that increase your incentive to see him / her again. NOPE. So decrease of frequency of contact is a sign of friendship drifting away. Just like girls, when they say they can't see you because their final exam is coming. THAT'S BULLSHIT! sorry for my language, i was simply over-reacted a bit.

FACT is, we enjoy being with those makes us laugh more. News Flash: Christian have a different view, they would emphasize, that when friend is through a difficult period of time, we should help them through and make them happy, devote ourselves. I CHALLENGE YOU ALL HERE, ALL OF YOU. If you are a happy person, and your friend liked being around with you. TRY SUDDENLY BEING grumpy, sad, never-fun, lock yourself in your bedrooms, never talk in depth with your friend, acting unreasonable. TRY IT for just 60 days. And count those at the end of 60 days still have full frequent contact with you.

FACT again, we care about our friends, and we'd like to believe that we are good friends with good moral that we can help our friends through. But when it comes to practise, you have your own assignment, project due every week, own relationship problems as well as financial dilemma. To fix an unreasonable friend, by putting effort in and see no result in a month or two. FORGET IT, you are not super man. Not even christian (average) can perform such stunt, save the hard core ones.

When it comes to friendship, there is no shortage of Myths. Below are few classic ones I would like to expose / confront:

* Good friends are forever (Oh, Really?)
without doubt, even the bible complies:

"A friend loves at all times..."
The Bible - Proverbs 17:17

Good friends are forever, ok, great. Forever is a long time, we're not gonna go there. we'll pick a more realistic time frame. Try to list your good friends that you are keeping frequent contact with for 10 years in a row. (i'll let you think for a while) if your list is empty, don't worry, now try to list your good friends that you are keeping frequent contact with for 5 years in a row. if your list is still empty, don't worry, now try to list those that you are good friends with 2 years, 1 years or 6 monhts.

how many are there on the list?

Did any one notice a pattern? that the list grow bigger as the duration in a row decreases? And what does that suppose to indicate?

I mean to expose another common feature of friend. Friend's come and go. It's so true, it can't be any truer. (even though there is no such word as truer.)

They are seasonal too, everyone moves in australia. every few years, someone moved to somewhere else (out of your life), some more moved into your life. It's always been like that. Don't expect to have friend who's remain constant contact with you ALL THE TIME. It ain't gonna happen. A note for boys and girls in love. After not seeing your honey for three months in a row because over sea trips, when he / she arrive the airport, don't you feel a slight sense of awkwardness to kiss them physically. (not use to) of course, after a day, everything went back and kicks in as normal.


* My friends would never abadon me.

Ever heard of saying of losing friends. YES, you would be abandoned. The only two person who would not abadon you EVEN IF YOU COMMITED IN A MURDER is your parents, with their amazing unconditional love you'll ever see in your life and you would give to your kids.

Other than your parents, your friends would abadon under various conditions. As I mentioned we all have expectations, if you can't pull yourself together. IT'S YOUR PROBLEM. we used to think that doesn't matter what they do, they'll still love me. WAKE UP! no one is gonna do that, apart from your parents. if you do drugs, commit crime, bribe officials, cheat on your friends (typical), they WILL ABADON YOU, I repeat, THEY WILL ABADON YOU. Not to mention if you sleep with their girlfriend / boyfriend.

So, about three years ago, I was pretty disappointed when Robert said to me, "welcome to the Adulthood." Adulthood means a lot more than freedom and money. It means responsibilities, and you can't act childish anymore. We all want to be loved uncontionally, but the truth is, friend can't do that. Nor can many lovers. One fortunate fact is that friendship normally last longer than relationships. And once relationship broke, that means END OF COMMUNICATION for a LONG TIME TO COME. So if you ever work out with your ex as friend, good on you.

Where was I up to? I have been writing up there, then scroll down add few lines, then scroll up. This document is a complete pessimist alike mess.

I come up with a unique formula to calculate how many really good friends you have out there.

How often you borrow money (I mean big money) from your friends? not often? Guess why, borrowing money is always a risky business among friends. Just to give those who had no clue why a few reasons.

When you lend money to someone, you kinda feel awkward to ask them to give the money backt o you. "HAVE YOU GOT MONEY FOR ME TODAY?" that just doesn't sound right. so you don't ask, EVEN IF YOU DO WANT TO ASK. now because of that, your desire to ask has been stopped, who want their desire to be stopped. Now lending party(the person who lend money to his friend), just few more days, I would give money back to him. Few more days didn't hurt. And surprisingly if you lend money from your close friend, you can somtimes FORGET ABOUT IT, and realise few weeks later, "S***, I didn't return those 200 back to Ken." And guess what Ken's been through those two weeks, "err... NEVER NEVER LEND MONEY TO THAT BASTARD again, he said would return by the weekend, but he never did. And I didn't ask, because i think he would offer to pay back on time himself."

And often, the friend who lend money to you feel UNDER-APPREICATED when you return them with just a thank you. And you would think, what's the big deal, i return the money on time. Because this typical scenario, parents would educate kids, "don't lend money to your friends." for a reason.

So, how many friends of you can lend you the amount they EARN in TWO WEEKS time for a month. (e.g. if Sally earn $300 a week, then check if she can lend you $600 for a month). FOR THOSE FRIENDS who LIVE WITH PARENTS, DON'T PAY RENT & DON'T HAVE JOB & HAVE A MOBIL WORTH $40,000+) Ask them for the amount of money they would SPEND in TWO WEEKS. (e.g. if Grace earn $0 a week, Spend $700 a week, then ask her for $1400 for a months.)

And tell me how many of them YOU WOULD COMFORTABLY ASK, importantly, you would COMFORTABLY ask for that amount as described as above. And the answer (a number) is the amount of very good friends you got at hand at the moment. It might increase or decrease as time goes on.

I better let my brain rest for a while. Thanks for reading. ^^

Yours sincerely,
Bo Han Chen

Post Script: I am glad I wrote the above, if I don't start, I would never finish. One important note is that I AM A OPTIMISTIC PERSONNEL. VERY, if not excessive. But the nature of the article is of PESSIMIST-Alike. How can this be? My answer to that is, if you don't know how does a pessimist think, how can you be a optimist.

S***, I JUST DELETED GREENICECREAM.COM's INDEX PAGE BY ACCIDENT. DAMN, WISH I HAD A BACK UP.